Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Lhasa Apso?


Lhasa Asshole is more like it. Fucking dog chewed up another set of wood mini-blinds (200 in the hole!) and saturday he chewed up my thumb pretty good. Losing the nail. Turns out he doesn't like to be caught when he runs away. Who new!?! Well the wifey is upset, but being that he's completely chewed up four mini blinds in the house, my hand and thumb, and has made the entire house his toilet (or vomitorium. Yes the dog LOOOOVES to vomit. Daily! If you leave him alone, he gets upset and vomits)
Ah, but he's SOOOOO cute though.
Love him to death. TO DEATH

Monday, June 20, 2011

I'm Against Same Sex Marriage

I'm against same sex marriage. I'm against any marriage where you have the same sex all the time. In fact the missionary position should be restricted to once a month, or just when your partner feels gassy.

Let's make any marriage involving having the same sex illegal.
How about a little role playing? I'd be up for that in a marriage bill. I'm against same sex, and for doing something different like role playing during sex.
Wait, I don't really understand role playing. Like having your lady friend dress up like a French maid. I especially don't get that. "Yeah honey, put this on and we'll do it... and then clean the house"
Or I've seen these outfits like you dress up like sexy Dorothy, or sexy Alice in Wonderland. What's that saying? "Yeah put this on, let's have sex, then get lost."

Actually dressing up for sex is a mystery to me. Say your woman puts on sexy lingerie, and all this stuff... And then 20 seconds later you take it all off her. And it's waaaaay more shit than she normally wears, and you have to untie and unbuckle and all this crap.
Look, I have a helluva time with a bra with one clasp. Some of those outfits have about 30. All lingerie does is prolong foreplay. Which just keeps me keeps me from going to bed sooner.

Yes, let's make having boring sex illegal, and a tax write off for sex toys.
(Prop 69 baby, let's vote on that!)

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Know how to get your dog's breath to stop smelling bad?

Does your dog's breath smell bad? Want to know how to get it to smell minty fresh? Dip their wiener in some mouth wash, it'll freshen their breath while they hardcore lick their doggy bits.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Seriously, you people give the government waaaay too much credit

Look, the government can't find Bin Laden, they can't balance a budget, they can't even tie their own shoe laces. In fact have you met government employees? Have you gone to the DMV?
Now imagine these people faking a moon landing. Or better yet... Successfully pulling off 9-11 and making it look like terrorists did it.
Does anyone remember what the Government actually tried doing? How about bay of pigs! Iran Contra! Anything in the last 100 years!
SERIOUSLY! People give the government WAAAAAAY too much credit!
The cia can't even find fucking ANY terrorists! They couldn't even find Sadaam!!! Sadaam's handlers took up our government on the reward.
Saying that the government killed JFK, saying that the government orchestrated 9-11, saying that the government has done anything at all is a the most insanely stupid thing I've ever heard in my entire life.
Yeah, fake moon landing (keep hearing about this lately, that's why I bring it up)... It was a joke that the Kennedy clan came up with one Christmas. The billions of dollars that was actually supposed to go to landing on the moon went into planning his own assassination. All that money went into sacred rituals, and the procurement of virgin sacrifices to create that "magic bullet".
You know who creates hoaxes? Bored people. Famous Loch ness monster picture? Turns out it was a boat with a little neck on the top some guy created and pictured. That famous bigfoot video? It WAS a guy in a gorilla suit.
Those are cool hoaxes. Moon landing? Fucking gay. If I had billions of dollars, I would have faked some landing on mars. Or some bad ass made up planet. Why the fucking moon? What did we have to gain from landing on the moon? Honestly I can see the government wasting money on trying to send people to the moon. We totally needed a flag on that moon.
Our government can not accomplish anything. NOTHING!
DO NOT EVEN THINK to give them credit for doing anything as elaborate as that shit. No.
People are so fucking stupid. We need to be more involved in our government, and how this fucking country's run. If we had a brighter breed of gov't official, THEN maybe we could be faking some sweet-ass landings, then using that money on coups that actually succeed.

Oh and one more thing. People who think that the government is trying to hide the existence of aliens from us... Why would they try to hide the existence of e.t.'s? What's the fucking point of hiding aliens? Your mind's would be BLOWN AWAY if you found out that there was visitors to this planet.
We have a fucking color coded terror system (or did till this week), and screening every person with a tan that comes into this country, and making damned sure that we know about it. In the 50's we were looking for communists everywhere, and wanting our citizens to report it to the government, and having public trials of communists, and have been pretty good at issuing a press release if they find fossilized bacteria turds on mars.
But full-on mother fucking aliens in a ship visiting our country. Well that's cool. Don't tell anyone.

Honest to God. People are insanely stupid.

While on the topic of Satan.....

How does hell work?
Think about it... When you die you're... uh... well dead. You cease to be. You get maggots and shit eating your body, you're mind's toast. Your skin, nerves, senses, all become a liquified pile of goo. You're not feeling a god damned thing.
So the common conception of hell is of you, in your body, being tortured.
You know burned, cut, whipped, raped by giant pandas eating sausages watching judge judy. Shit like that.
How is satan torturing your liquified corpse? How are you feeling all that torture without your body and nerves and what not?

I vote for hell being an absence of God, rather than being literally tortured. That or Satan is like one of those obsessive hot-rod restorer type guys and painstakenly reconstructs your body down there, maybe paints some sweet flames, maybe just puts real flames on, whatever... Oh dude it'd be so awesome to get like a chrome exhaust on my tortured hell bound body.
Can you imagine me with a SWEET shiny chrome colon?
Bad-ass

YES WE CAN!

Yes we can! (be completely retarded)
Someone at work clued me into a you tube video. Go to you tube and search "Yes we can backwards". I'm sure many of you are net savvy and found this already, but if you haven't here's the synopsis. It's Obama saying his famous "yes we can" slogan a few times, but if you play it backwards, it kinda sounds like "thank you Satan"
Hearing that was truly an a-ha! moment for all of us who listen to everything our politicians say forward and backwards, and it's great to hear a politician finally thank Satan for getting him/her/it/hermaphroditic super beast, into office.
What you don't know is that the "Yes we can" slogan, is actually taken from Jesse Jackson's unsuccessful 1988 presidential run where he spoke of "we can ____", "we can ___" , we can do just about anything which the "we can" slogan/idea was taken from the civil rights movement of the 1960's.
So is it ignorant, racist, or just plain stupid that people are using this as proof that he's aligned with the devil?
Was desegregation a work of Satan? Was the right to vote a work of the devil? Was the civil rights movement in general the work of the lord of darkness or...
Racist.

- Side note: Way back when I took clips off of my Genesis version of Mortal Kombat, recorded them and then put them on my computer. I found out that if you sped up "All too easy", you could clearly hear him say "Asshole" True story!

So the people who actually believe this to be further proof of his satanic affiliations, are they stupid, racist, or giving him waaaaay more credit than he deserves for having super natural powers?

Detrious and debris

Cleaning out the mental, many posts to come!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

We need infrastructure change (Part 1)

Ok, I'm kinda jumping ahead of myself. I was going to write a blog about infrastructure change, (but if you've talked to me lately, you've already hear me rant about this), but I'm going to jump ahead and talk about one of the things wrong with today's infrastructure, and offer a completely insane Justin idea.
Quick run down on the infrastructure idea. Basically what's wrong with the world is that we've evolved technologically. Computers, cell phones, etc., but our infrastructure/modus operandi, hasn't changed.
(Not asking where my flying car is)
We keep thinking inside the box. We keep making modifications of things that we've created 100, 1000, 10000, etc. years ago.

SO! Part 1. Cars.
We're trying to make cars "green" by making them use different fuels. Which in it's self is like changing the color of your room.
The first automobile, or self-propelled mechanical vehicle, was made in 1769. Then in the late 1800's we got something that looked like a car, and then well ford came along and the rest is history. That's over 200 years of the same old same old.
Someone needs to come up with something new. We've been reliant on gas and all that shit because no one's thinking outside the box. Now people are coming up with hybrids, and hydrogen power vehicles, and vehicles running on cooking fuel.
Yeah, we should have thought about this shit 50+ years ago. Time to move on, time to come up with something new. Instead of changing the color of something inefficient, let's reinvent it.
I know, now a lot of you are probably thinking "Well we've been calling for flying cars for YEARS" or "but we have all these roads, and it'd cost too much to change the infrastructure"
What if we didn't change much, but changed a lot?
Meaning, what if we took a car and modified it to run as a gas/electric/hydrogen powered vehicle as we know it, but turned it into a hybrid maglev vehicle?
Insanity? Yes. It's my idea, and I'd like to see more people with ideas other than what we've got.

Now, I'm TOTALLY looking for discussion, and shoot my idea down, or better yet - Use it as a stepping off point for your own idea, and let's get the ball rolling.
Here's what I'm thinking. You have your standard car, still looks, smells, and runs the same. Still has 4 wheels, a radio, and a dead body in the trunk. But! You outfit the undercarriage with magnets. EMS (Electromagnetic suspension), EDS (electrodynamic), Inductrack (Permanent Magnet EDS). Essentially the same technologies they're working on for trains.
Before you go running away thinking I'm all cock-eyed, and CRAZY! (Which I am, fact) Let me finish my rough concept here.
Say you're tootling along on the roads in your car, still drives essentially the same! Nothing's changed in your neighborhood.
BUT!
When you get on the highway, your 2 lane highway now has a conventional lane, and a maglev lane. You get on the highway same as usual, but you can then merge onto the maglev lane. The maglev kicks in, your wheels go into neutral or whatever, and you're propelled down the highway at faster speeds than you normally would. Your car could conceivably be controlled by the highway it's self. Much like a stop light can turn colors through a little thing called electrcity... You could stop a car on a maglev the same way. Traffic controlled automatically, meaning you could conceivably have traffic on a maglev lane going 80-90 miles an hour (or more. Maglevs can reach the potential of 4000 miles an hour, but you know some god damned granny would only be doing 2000miles)
I'm totally jumping ahead with this idea. Ok
Here's the way I envision it
You have step on, and step off points onto the maglev lane. The lane it's self otherwise has barriers. JUST LIKE the divided highway barriers we have now. You tootle along, propelled down this lane, conceivably controlled by the circuits on the road it's self, or on your car's computer WHICH CARS ALREADY HAVE, AND ARE NOW BEING OUTFITTED WITH COMPUTERS AT THIS MOMENT! Listen to my goddamned radio show, I JUST talked about how they're puttin them in hardcore to boost car sales. Look for it this year or next. AT&T, and other companies are coming up with mobile entertainment systems, and real time traffic systems. Couple that with gps, and you have every car tracked on this rail system. That's with existing technology! (You could possibly even incorporate a magnetic buffer between two cars, but identically charging someone's front bumper, with the other car's rear. Don't know how much more energy it'd take to do that, so I don't seriously suggest it at this time)

So you have cars controlled on this damned thing, shooting along at speeds that would normally get you a hefty ticket. What about the power, and the infrastructure? We're talking a major overhaul.
Nope. The electrical lines are all right here. Think about the overhead lights on the highways. There's power there. Think about the power poles that line the sides of highways. There's power there.
Now, you're saying "but there's not enough power. Cars are heavy, it's going to take a lot of power to move them along"
There is, cause again... Were thinking out side the box... A way to make cars lighter!
Why, do you really need a 700 hp motor now that when you're actually speeding, or merging, you're using a different system? No. Smaller motor = less weight.
There is the magnet weight of course, but that could be offset by changing the composition of the body of the car from metal, to a synthetic (if you install a buffer like I was saying, or a intuitive traffic/obstacle sensing technology... WHICH THEY'RE ALREADY PUTTING IN CARS. LISTEN TO MY GODDAMNED SHOW), or make the metal in the car the magnet it's self. Crazy, out there. Probably fucked-up completely insane crack pot science. Not possible.
At least I'm thinking about alternatives.
Furthermore...
You conceivably have the power (and I'm using "conceivably" a lot, because you actually have to conceive new ideas. Really. You do. Try it! It makes things better) existing, on or near the roads
You have roads, and the space, you just lay the shit on top of it, or integrate it right into the road. (Concept?) You start by converting highways, and only say a lane. People can travel by conventional means on the side roads.
So what's the real impact to the infrastructure?
Just that new jobs would be created, traffic would speed along quicker, (New York NY to Portalnd OR by car in 24 or less hours anybody? -Possibly even sleeping while your car drives? Insane, I know)

Yeah, I don't know. I've got one foot in the box on that one. Someone needs to just come up with a radical idea that doesn't utilize anything we've created, or thinking. No flying cars, no teleports. Something radical, new, mind blowing. Much like if someone showed someone a t.v. to someone living in biblical times. We need more completely new ideas/concepts/INSANITY! No more new versions of what we already have. History has shown SEQUELS SUCK!
Thinking caps people.
Talk to me about my insane idea. Give me yours. Pass it along. This is a fucking cartoonist's idea, with no scientific background. Just what I've picked up reading.
I know already that my idea suffers from a few flaws. 1. cost. 2. weather (How would you take care of snow on the track? or how would weather affect this?) 3. I'm spouting off about things that are only about 30 years old.
History has shown, that things must be 200+ years to be proven effective, and widely used.
Seriously, I'm tired, I'm now incoherently ranting. We need more options/ideas/thinkers. What we have now isn't working, and all people are doing is trying to adapt what we've been doing wrong for that last hundreds of years, to something slightly less wrong.
We need radical infrastructure change, we need to apply technology to all aspects of our lives. We, meaning me, needs to go to bed.

Love always,

Justin

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Hello Friends. Thank you for randomly stumbling upon this...

Thank you friend, for finding my old ass blog. Please take a moment to poke your eyeballs out, or read these posts.
I'll have you know I don't post much in here (which is obvious), but I do have numerous other blogs for you to enjoy in the meantime, while you wait another 3 years for me to blog on here again.
myspace.com/ilikeleadpaint
justingallshow.blogspot.com
and so many more!

Just google Justin Gall, to find more insanity by yours truly.

This message will self destruct in 5....4.....3.....2....

Thursday, March 31, 2005

Pudding... Delicious? We may never know.

Hello, again. My name's Justin. You may know me from my numerous apperances in the backgrounds, of live "on location" newscasts. Or you might know me as your neighbor who walks by his windows all the time naked. Chances are (however), you don't know me. That's an aweful shame. I'm a nice guy. I have all my limbs in the right spots. I squeeze the charmin on occasion, but I clench whenever anything gets near my ass. It's a prison reflex.
So, if you haven't noticed, I don't post in here very much. Damn it though, I fully intend to post more... Like when anything interesting happens to me.
Like here's something fun!
The neighbor kid across the street from my parents, he got into a car accident with a bunch of his friends. Didn't have a seatbelt on, went out of the sun roof of the car, and hit a tree. (Or something) Right now, the kids he goes to school with at Park Senior High, are having a candle light vigil for him. Supposedly he's in intensive care, and there's about a 100 Park kids directly in front of our house.
I feel sorry for his family.
I also feel sorry for my Dad. He's a principal at Woodbury Senior High. The highschool that Park has a rival with. Now there's a 100 Park kids, who may or may not know that one of the principals of their rival school is right across their street... And did I mention, the kids... They have candles.
CANDLES!!!

There's really no point to this posting.
I do think it's kind of amazing though, that this kid got ejected out of a sun roof. I want to make horrible jokes here, but I'll reserve them for when the kid gets out of the hospital.
I can just imagine them in their car, driving down the back roads here; and a dear jumps out. They swerve, miss it, and slam the breaks on and stop on the side of the road. They all exhale deeply, look at each other, laugh... and then him and his seat get ejected out the top of the roof.

Yep. That's how I'm imagining it happened. You have fun imagining your own entertaining scenario for what happened in this car accident, and what put this kid in an icu. Grab Grandma and the kids, sit around the fireplace, and imagine your own grisley scenario for this battered teen.

I'll be at a super secret showing of Sin City tonight while you do that.

See you!
(In hell)

Friday, November 19, 2004

I don't want to die alone!

I sold my first thing on E-bay! Hoorah! It went smashingly. I just recieved payment through pay-pal! Meanwhile, between paypal and e-bay, you get RAPED! Paypal makes you upgrade your account to get credit card orders. And e-bay charges you to list the item. So all in all it cost me like five bucks to list this thing. BASTARDS! Buuuuut... I SOLD SOMETHING ON E-BAY! HOOORAH! I'm now part of the millions of people who bought or sold on e-bay.

In other news.... I DON'T WANT TO DIE ALONE! But better to die alone than to die with someone you're not happy being married to. Such might have been the case here.
I just want to share with you a whimsical, care free, light hearted message of good will and joy left on my answering machine by my ex-fiancé. There was no hard feelings when we broke up. She just told me she didn't love me, and then handed me my ring back, and I left her house broken hearted.
It's the feel good story of the year!
Well long story short... She was at a restaraunt with an x-coworker of ours, (that she hated). Pleasentries were exchanged (she approaching the coworker, who happens to be my friend), and that was the end of it. Until...
The coworker (Natalie is her name) tried to leave. All hell broke loose then, and the 40 some year old guy she was hanging on, and a friend of hers had to hold her back from starting a bar brawl.
Again, the only thing that was said was "Hi Natalie, it's nice to see you again!" "Uh, oh HI Linette, ummm, yeah you too. See you around!"
After the two of them talked, and all that.
Linette was SO overcome with her rekindled feelings for me, that she was COMPELLED to call and tell me she loved me.
Here is that message.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/theelectricgrandmadefroster/files/Linette.wav

NOTE: This is my yahoo group, and you might have to sign up/sign in to listen to the file.
God damn it, it's worth it though!

Ciao for now!

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Pants... Threat? Or Death Trap? News at 5.

So, I got the most AWESOME sound file EVER! It's from my answering machine this weekend. It's of my ex-fiancé (who's nuts, and dumped me. Which makes her more nuts. I'm a catch baby!), and she's drunk, and swearing at me. I love it! It's so f-ing awesome. I've been playing it for everybody. I've got to get it in a wav format, and upload it here, and I'll give the whole story, and a link to it. But it's freakin' awesome.

Stay tuned.


Friday, November 12, 2004

Justin.... It's what's not sexy

Did anyone read the latest Men's Health magazine? It says: "Sorry Justin..." And goes into how my name isn't sexy. Them bastards. Now I know I'm not sexy, but at least I had a good name. Now that's changed.
Sad.
So very sad.

Thursday, November 11, 2004

Adult Diapers Aren't Just for Adults Anymore!

Hey kids! Are you depressed because the cancer and death smoking causes stymies your trying to look older, and cool? Well put down your pack of smokes, and pick up a pack of Depends for Teens! Yes! Depends for Teens! Cheaper than your smoking habit, and looks great with your low riding jeans, or baggy low riding Tommy Hilfigers. Won't cause cancer, bathroom breaks, or accidents, and makes you look older than your parents!
When the fly honey's see that the odor and wetness are locked in on the inside, they'll want to get all over your outside.
Girls... Get that J-lo butt, without eating crisco... And guys, your baggy pants never looked baggy-er!
Very imitatible rapper Pee-Diddy loves them! Listen to what he has to say about Depends for Teens: "I can drink a 40, and not have to leave my stoop the entire day! I don't have to go anywhere, but where ever I go, there I am... And there's my Depends to soak it up. Much love to the folks at Depends"

Depends for Teens. It's what's going on all the cool kids today.

~Word~

Monday, September 20, 2004

Poodles, and the men who love them. The First Posting...

So, this is my first entry into my blog, and the WORLD of blogging. (Insert Eye Roll Here). I've had this thing for a little bit, but I wanted to start out strong with a good posting. First of all let me preface this by saying I'm in College. I'm going to school for graphic design. WELL! I'm old. 27, and going to college. My only solace is that there's a couple people older than me in my class. (Like late 40's/50's or so) Well, one of these oldies sits in front of me. Nice lady, wears elastic waist band pants all the time, but nice. So we're all doing our design projects in class today. Standing around our desks, cutting and pasting like we're back in elementary. (QUIET) And that chick just let's one rip! We're talking juicy 15 second elastic waist band pants splitter.
..............
Nothing.
No one says a thing.
There's a younger kid sitting next to her...
Not even a snicker.

Now, mind you, she's standing right in front of me, ass loaded and pointed at my desk and there's no way I couldn't hear it. But it was loud! For god's sake! And the room was quiet before hand. Didn't anyone else hear it? Or were they all just that polite not to even snicker? She's nice, she's borrowed plenty of stuff out to the class, but everyone (including her) carried on without a word about it.

Cut to me.

I'm turning purple. I'm trying to hold my laughter in, and I thought I was going to bust a lung
(Yeah, more on my lung problems later), and it's just killing me.
Kudos to everyone though for ignoring an embarassing situation. That was nice and polite, and totally unlike people in general, and totally unexpected. Well, either they were being nice, or I was having a flinstones vitamin trip or something, and imagined her tearing ass.
Nope, highly unlikely.
She's so prim and proper though... Like a Mom/Young Grandmother kind of.
Ugh, hilarious though.

Alright, back to god awful homework,

-Justin